Sailing off into the sunset

So we have finally reached the end...

It has been quite a journey from the first date. We've looked at the unstoppable and uncontrollable mysteries of love in forbidden situations. 

* How culture dominates religion

* The intriguing aspects of online dating

* The forbidden zina

* Relationships between different races

* Teenage love

* Desires between the same sex

* Money for marriage

Some of the issues I have discussed have show how love gets us into some tricky situations. An emotion that leads to forbidden encounters, even for Muslims. At the moment an act such as dating has become so normalised that some of us don't realise the dangers that come with it. But all this should all be in the name of marriage - to complete ones deen.

On a final note I guess some would say "all is fair in love and war" but in Islam I don't think it is. Islam is based on the Shari'ah, there is no picking and choosing, but following a law of rules which I'd say cannot be bent. Yet these issues I've discussed in previous posts will always remain, I'd be surprised if there was a sudden change. 

Love is controversial... Religion is controversial = Together it reaches a whole new level

No Money...No Honey...

Mahr - A gift to the bride from the groom.. a loving, sweet gesture with smiles all round  NOT!!!

So mahr is meant to be mandatory in Islam, it could be a small personal gift based on what one wants to spoil his lady with. It's something that is given from ones free will, just like a birthday present.. so how has this changed into DOWRY? Dowry is a mis-leading term in Islam, there is no concept of dowry. In today's society mahr is seen as the exchange of money or possessions such as gold and land for the bride? How is this even being practised in Islam  today? It completely and utterly goes against the principles of Islam. What does one even say? "In the name of God... And the bidding begins at £1000?! Ridiculous!!

I may come across a little harsh about this 'bride price' but it does frustrate me. Yet it has become a norm and funnily enough even I myself am immersed in such conversation about the "mahr" and how much is going to be given. Without this a marriage does not even go through and young people and families are under pressure to pay up such a large sum of money for the bride.

Although the gift/money is for the bride, in some cases families in particular the father claim it as theirs. Some families use this as an example to give up their daughters, even those that are very young in exchange for money. This article by the guardian gives insight into a story about 8year old brides being sold!


Advocates of this system of mahr; why do you feel you should demand such a steep amount for a bride? Did the Prophet (s.a.w) not say marriage should be simple and easy?

Perhaps culture and society has made it to be like this to protect the bride. If the bride has no money, properties or savings how must she survive if the marriage ends badly? How much she stand on her own two feet if her husband neglects his rights to support her, even after divorce. From examples of alone, abused women, families and women themselves have probably sought that the this is needed to be done. For safety and security. Seems like marriage has turned into a mere business contract... protect what is yours.

GOD HATES "FAGS"?!

God created Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve?!

Is the bold statement above a bit too harsh?

Islam as we know it is based on the Quran, Hadith and Sunnah of the Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w), so to begin with lets take a look what these religious texts say about the matter.

"Do you approach males among the worlds.And leave what your Lord has created for you as mates? But you are a people transgressing."
[Quran 26: 165-166]

"Do you indeed approach men with desire instead of women? Rather, you are a people behaving ignorantly."

[Quran 27:55]



By looking at these quotes we can conclude that it is a major sin to be homosexual in Islam. Regardless of this, we know that there are many men AND women that have homosexual fee
lings and desires. How may this be helped? Can this be helped?

Referring back to love, many boys. girls, men and women all have said 'we can't help who we fall in love with!' If that is the case, and we have undying love for someone, a feeling that takes over us then why is it homosexuality is prohibited in Islam? In fact most religions and religious texts clearly state it is a severe sin, but why? If we can't help how we feel or CONTROL our feelings then is this fair? Is it right?

Upon reading an article about Islam and homosexuality, I thought homosexuality for some is natural?  But the truth is Islam does not show wrath upon those who have homosexuals feelings but those who PRACTICE homosexuality. Having said that Islam teaches that humans cannot be homosexual by nature, so where does this leave those Muslims that have homosexual feelings?

This image was taken from an article called Queering the Quran. I was so shocked to come across this, (please take a read and you'll see why I'm in awe) but the title gives it away.

Those who are homosexual may be glad to read another article in the guardian about opening a gay-friendly mosque. To some of you the news of this may make you angry, after all there is no room for homosexuals in Islam, but in today's society we have to accept there are people that say they are Muslim and gay and need their space in society.

Narrated AbuHurayrah: The Prophet (saws) said: A man should not lie with another man and a woman should not lie with another woman without covering their private parts except a child or a father. 

(Abu Dawood)

It Don't Matter If You're Black Or White ♫

I typed into google 'islam interracial marriage' and the first thing that came up was "is interracial marriage allowed in islam..."

It comes to a point where it gets a bit humorous that people think Islam doesn't accept interracial marriages. I mean is it not common knowledge that everyone is equal? Rich, poor, intelligent, illiterate, WHITE, BLACK, we are all equal. So why is it many question it and some are against it?  Does racism come into this, or is it something else?

I personally believe the whole culture v. religion comes into this (surprise surprise!!). Traditionally some or most African, Asian and Arab communities prefer if they themselves and their family members 'stick to their own'. If human kind, as we know it is supposedly equal then why this divide and split? Why has there been so much tension and drama involved around the subject of interracial marriages?

Let us see what Islamic scriptures say on this matter...

"O mankind! Lo! We have created you male and female, and have made you nations and tribes that ye may know one another. Lo! the noblest of you, in the sight of Allah, is the best in conduct. Lo! Allah is Knower, Aware." [49:13]

The quote refers to nations and tribes, this gives me an impression that the tribes should mix freely. There is no comment made about keeping marriage exclusive to ones own culture, and many advocates of intercultural marriage refer to this.

When this is pointed out to people that are not too pleased with the notion of interracial marriages, some of these people point out that the tribes in Arabia during the time of the Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) only married their children within their own tribes. They show examples of Ali (r.a) and Fatima (r.a) and suggest why they married? They base their reasons on tribe/culture. I cannot really agree nor disagree to this. I just don't know. Was their marriage partly based on the reason they were from the same tribe? Or was that not relevant and purely coincidental?

Another point I want to look at is 'dawah'. As a Muslim it is our duty to spread the word of Islam, regardless of race. When one converts or reverts to Islam, Muslims naturally feel pleased. But how is that person able to prosper in Islam when there are many people not allowing or considering them for marriage? Islam may seem like a strict religion, but my opinion is that it is a fair religion and nothing is made difficult. It is some of the people amongst society today that have taken it upon themselves to disregard these teachings and accepting human beings for being just human!!

Truth is we can all sit and say we'd let our sons/daughters, family members and friends marry as they wish. But when it comes down to it, would we really? Or would we just follow the traits of our family members in the same wrong beliefs?

Ring a ring o' roses

As we're all aware marriage in Islam is very important as it completes half our religion. It allows one to grow mentally and spiritually and experience love and be blessed with offspring.

In today's society dating is at large in the Muslim community. It has become the norm and many have become resistant to the laws of Islam. In fact a lot of people are not even aware of what the Shari'ah law states, that's how much of an impact dating has had on Muslims today. Although this is going on, there are some young Muslims who are aware of the seriousness of dating and zina. Some want to get married to refrain from sinful actions and to make their relationship 'halal' as some call it.

Whether it is fortunate or not, the Hanifi fiqh allows two people to get married without a wali as long as the marriage is conducted in front of 2 male adult Muslim witnesses, or 2 female and one male witnesses. This is leading to situations where youngsters are having 'playground marriages'. By playground marriages I mean when a teenage couple decide to take it into their own hands and during break/lunch time they get their friends to witness their marriage. And as always the parents of these young adults have not the slightest clue about what has gone on. Some of you reading this may be shocked (just as I was) to learn this, but it does happen and has happened.

The question on all our tongues is why?
We can't blame the Hanafi fiqh because the school of thought has been there for centuries, so lets not even go there, but why do these 'children' decide to take the matter into their own hands and abuse the Hanafi fiqh of marriage?
Some may argue they're doing the right thing. I mean it's better than dating and falling out of the fold of Islam, right? Others have said its plain old stupid! How can one so young commit to something like marriage and at that age they don't even have a clue what responsibilities come with marriage, it is all a whirlwind fantasy journey that a teenage couple are experiencing. I'm sure you'll agree with me the excitement of secrecy!!
Can the marriage actually be called a valid marriage if it is one that is based on lies, secrets and is unknown to the family members and more or less everyone? I actually can't say whether it is or not but I would like to comment on how a marriage like this works? The success rate in my mind doesn't seem particularly too good. And on a final note, whether or not this has crossed anyone's bewildering mind, is it all about sex, and making it 'ok' in a halal marriage? Hmm.. that leads on to another topic, maybe for a later post, but for now I'll leave you with these baffling questions and whether or not you think it's understandable that these teenage kids make such a big step, after all they're not committing zina this way!

The Optimistics view...

Marriage within a week, this couple have shown not all people long for and desire through virtual introductory sites, but do things properly and islamically.

...to love, to cherish, to commit zina?!!!

How does one commit zina from the world of online dating/introductory sites?

In my previous post I talked about the connotations and dangers that come with Muslim introductory agencies. This post delves a bit further into the negative impact it has on Muslims.

To begin with these sites may see harmless to some people, and some may turn round and say give it a rest woman, stop picking on every minor detail. But the truth of the matter is some people will still argue these sites are not 'halal' for a particular reason.

And this is why...

Zina:- Fornication/Adultery

The term Zina is actually much more complex then the simple term of adultery. The post hyperlinked gives you quite an insight into what it's all about.

It is stated in a hadith in Muslim, 'The zina of the eyes is looking, the zina of the ears is listening, the zina of the tongue is speaking, the zina of the hand is touching, and the zina of the foot is walking. The heart wishes and longs and the private part confirms that or denies it.'

Therefore looking at ones photo's on these sites, longing for them, even talking to them whether that is only through the internet still has major consequences in Islam.

Intentions???

Some may say if the intention is correct and one is desiring a spouse then it is fine. But is it really? Even if a person is out there soul-searching (waiting for the love of their life to scream out from the screen) the possibility and likelihood of zina occurring is quite high. The flirty chats, dreaming unstoppably of a potential spouse, etc etc it is all still happening outside of marriage.

To summarise I'm going to say these sites are still allowing young AND old Muslims to commit even minor offences of zina, something that could of been prevented if they did not exist. A little harsh I know, but isn't that the reality of it?

Muslim Dating Sites

A recent worldwide phenomenon has taken shape in the form of online dating, with revenue of up to over one billion dollars there must be some sort of success behind this booming industry. And what about such courtships in the Muslim community, how does that tend to shape up you ask..

Well I'm sure by the above image you'll have noticed I'm focusing on the website singlemuslim
To begin with these sites are not exactly labelled as dating sites but more of an introductory marital agency. Basically the same concept as your auntie finding you someone to marry but in a broader scale. One part of this that may make these sites controversial is that there is NO MIDDLE PERSON!! YIKES! So does this lead to falling into the trap of dating?

I'm not doubting the success rates of the website but more so the concept. I know there are many mature people that have found it to be a great service in providing them with their lifetime partner, but what about the rest? Are there people who see this site as an easy access of finding a boyfriend/girlfriend and does it make it more accessible to date in Islam?

Is this site used to protect and better Muslims? Or is someone just making some big bucks out of it.. hmmm

To some it may seem that the website itself contradicts itself. Under the tab Marriage articles, it says,
'There is no such thing as “dating” in Islam. When young Muslims are able to marry, they are encouraged to find a suitable partner for marriage, following strict rules of courtship, and always keeping the intention of marriage at the forefront of any interaction.'
Nothing new there..

But other websites are not picking up the same information about this 'strict dating policy'
A testimonial on the website provided by datingsitereview says
'"Given demographic trends and search data, the market for online dating for Muslim individuals is set to take off and become increasingly mainstream," say Bickey Russell and Elizabeth Song.  A July 2010 poll of more than 3,600 SingleMuslim.com  users "found that religious compatibility was ranked as the most important dating criteria by 33% of Muslim singles, ahead of appearance or education level," a strong indication that the popularity of Muslim dating sites will continue to rise.''

I understand the website is branded as a dating website although it isn't technically a dating site (I know, talk about confusing! Again its all to do with the big bucks!) but does this not lead non-Muslims to brand Muslims as something they're not? Also, constantly referring to it as a dating site possibly brings forth people in search for a NEW DATE?!

There is just so much to be said about this website and others like it, this post just does not cut it!!
Come on guys, share your thoughts on this facade.

First Date

After much deliberation with myself, I thought let us delve into the deep mysteries of love that exists in today's Muslim world. I know I'm asking for trouble!! The other day I was listening on to a conversation regarding marriage and I thought what a funny sort of first date, your parents or neighbours finding a prospect for their son or daughter and discussing their likes and interests and the possibilities of being compatible. But all of that is mainly found within South Asian communities. Why is it that the South Asians are so dramatic when it comes to marriage I thought? Why can't they just be like Western people? Is it really Islam that makes them behave like that, or their culture? How different are Arabs when marriage dawns upon them? And why can't we decide who is suitable for us? Why is it the parents and families get so involved, they're not marrying the 'prospect'?! So what does Islam say about this? Islamically we all know dating is forbidden, hence a first date may not exist in the religion, yet a third person is allowed to be present. Islamically, the reasons to reject a potential prospect is due to their lack in faith, belief in God and if the potential Husband is unable to provide for his Mrs to be. So why are communities and families making the process of marriage a very difficult one and one that isn't uniformed with the proper Islamic way? What are your thoughts on this guys?