Mahr - A gift to the bride from the groom..
So mahr is meant to be mandatory in Islam, it could be a small personal gift based on what one wants to spoil his lady with. It's something that is given from ones free will, just like a birthday present.. so how has this changed into DOWRY? Dowry is a mis-leading term in Islam, there is no concept of dowry. In today's society mahr is seen as the exchange of money or possessions such as gold and land for the bride? How is this even being practised in Islam today? It completely and utterly goes against the principles of Islam. What does one even say? "In the name of God... And the bidding begins at £1000?! Ridiculous!!
Although the gift/money is for the bride, in some cases families in particular the father claim it as theirs. Some families use this as an example to give up their daughters, even those that are very young in exchange for money. This article by the guardian gives insight into a story about 8year old brides being sold!
Advocates of this system of mahr; why do you feel you should demand such a steep amount for a bride? Did the Prophet (s.a.w) not say marriage should be simple and easy?
Perhaps culture and society has made it to be like this to protect the bride. If the bride has no money, properties or savings how must she survive if the marriage ends badly? How much she stand on her own two feet if her husband neglects his rights to support her, even after divorce. From examples of alone, abused women, families and women themselves have probably sought that the this is needed to be done. For safety and security. Seems like marriage has turned into a mere business contract... protect what is yours.
Assalamu Alaikum
ReplyDeleteI can see the issue of mahr is a very touchy and frustrating subject for you. You can clearly see that in todays day and age, culture plays a very dominant role in Islamic marriages. So it is understandable for culture to also play a role on the issue of mahr.
The issues you are talking about mostly arise within the bangladeshi and pakistani society, where they demand and hefty amount of money or possessions to seal the deal for the marriage to take place. But not all muslims and cultures suffer from this misunderstanding of mahr. Maybe its due to the lack of knowledge on the sunnah of our beloved Prophet(pbuh).
What ever the reason is.. its a shame that society is loosing touch with Islam and instead is adopting a way of life which Islam does not recommend. Who knows what the future holds for our Muslim children :s
Shaju Miah,
DeleteIt is true Muslims that wrap themselves in cultural connotations do frustrate me. Yes they do play a role in marriage but is it right? And what can you do to change that?
I have mentioned before most of these aspects come from the South-Asian communities but what about the African communities?
I think Muslims do understand the concept of Mahr (excluding the younger generation)but I think they tend to ignore it and re-assure themselves by looking onto other members of the community rather than the Prophet(s.a.w).Tell me what does it take for one individual to 'put their foot down' and change these cultural ways? To point out the Sunnah of the Prophet (s.a.w)? Are we living in fear of society?
I think the future for our Muslim children lie in the hands of their parents and what changes they are willing to make now!
Shaju Miah,
ReplyDeleteYou are so correct to pin point exactly which cultures are guilty of abusing the mahr. As culture is so integral in weddings nowadays I feel people have lost the true islamic essence of marriage. People invest way too much time and money on grand weddings especially on the asking price of what is usually referred to as the dowry. I think my own familys askin price for me will be starting the bid at 8grand aiming to reach 10grand atleast! No joke! I do feel sorry for the grooms they have to cough up a hefty amount- all I can say is to all the muslim girls out there consider yourself worth every penny!
Sistarrr!!!
ReplyDeleteIts a shame your family considers you to be worth only 8-10 grand :p
Brother....
DeletePlease do not get ahead of yourself for you very well know in this day and age your max offer will just about reach 10k. I do feel for your bride, you will be filling her mind and stomach with such false hopes that can only bring devestation.....
Please take care of your finances wisely, all the best.