After much deliberation with myself, I thought let us delve into the deep mysteries of love that exists in today's Muslim world. I know I'm asking for trouble!! The other day I was listening on to a conversation regarding marriage and I thought what a funny sort of first date, your parents or neighbours finding a prospect for their son or daughter and discussing their likes and interests and the possibilities of being compatible. But all of that is mainly found within South Asian communities. Why is it that the South Asians are so dramatic when it comes to marriage I thought? Why can't they just be like Western people? Is it really Islam that makes them behave like that, or their culture? How different are Arabs when marriage dawns upon them? And why can't we decide who is suitable for us? Why is it the parents and families get so involved, they're not marrying the 'prospect'?! So what does Islam say about this? Islamically we all know dating is forbidden, hence a first date may not exist in the religion, yet a third person is allowed to be present. Islamically, the reasons to reject a potential prospect is due to their lack in faith, belief in God and if the potential Husband is unable to provide for his Mrs to be. So why are communities and families making the process of marriage a very difficult one and one that isn't uniformed with the proper Islamic way? What are your thoughts on this guys?
This is the good old culture v religion debate. One of the most important questions to ask here is how do we recognise the difference between the two? For many "south-asian" and even Arab muslims the two seem to have merged and become one huge controversial mess. I could spend hours on here just expressing (in some ways venting) my opinions on this very issue.
ReplyDeleteIt's also difficult to argue in terms of what is "Islamic" as some would argue there are far too many "types" of Islam out there. However the points you have raised are interesting. I would like to read more on this topic and see what more you have to say on it. :)
Tau Nau,
ReplyDeleteI completely agree with you.
Sometimes it is just so frustrating how culture oversteps religion and I think marriage is where this occurs the most.
Would you say there is a cerain sect in Islam or a certain culture that rises above this whole 'religion V culture' debate?
I don't know of any groups in particular that do this. Instead I think it is more of an individual decision to decide how to live in a way where both a persons religion and culture are in harmony. This is certainly possible, as Muslims are not expected to abandon their own cultute entirely when they practice Islam. It is more about finding that balance.
ReplyDeleteWe have a small portion of parents join our site for the intention to marry off their adult kids. I wasn't aware they were having any difficulty in that search, unless you as the child are complaining. And if that is the case, count your lucky stars because you would never like to have to hunt for your spouse the other way.. The Grass isn't always greener on the other side of the fense.
ReplyDeleteHabibi Matrimonials,
ReplyDeleteThank you for your comment.
I think the remark you made about the 'child' having their parents picking their spouse is not necessarily a good thing. For some this may be great since they're not very sociable and find it difficult searching for a lifetime partner however for the most part of it parents can neglect certain aspects their child searches for in a spouse and may focus on aspects that can be more cultural than religious. Again I'll refer you to my 'interracial marriages in Islam' post. If parents were not so interfering than this problem may not arise.
I think parents are so intent in having a big say in choosing a partner for their child because they desperately do not want their child to marry the wrong person. They are looking for a lifelong partner that will look after their child for the remaining part of their life and they want to make sure the it is the right person. However, everything goes wrong when the parent starts looking for the qualities of the person that are not relevant to Islam, or to their child. If the child's needs and preferences are the parent's top priority, it should work out fine. Parents need to find a balance, aslong as that balance is there, the marriage will be happening for the right reasons.
ReplyDeleteSnra,
DeleteI agree parents (most of the time) have their children's best interest at heart.
How are parents meant to find this right balance? Should the children and communities aid these families in finding religious qualities in a spouse for their children? How can this be achieved?
Assalam alaykum
ReplyDelete